"But That's Not What You Said" Understanding Literal Thinking in Autism

One of the things I often hear during autism assessments is someone describing a conversation that seemed straightforward to them but somehow ended in confusion.

Perhaps they followed instructions exactly as they were given, only to be told that they had misunderstood. Maybe they answered a question honestly and later realised that a different answer had been expected. Sometimes they describe feeling puzzled when people become frustrated because they have taken something literally.

For many autistic people, these situations are not unusual. They can happen at home, at school, at work and in everyday conversations.

What is interesting is that the difficulty often isn't with language itself.

It's with all the meaning that exists beyond the words.

We Rarely Say Exactly What We Mean

One of the fascinating things about human communication is that we often expect people to understand things that we never actually say.

We ask someone if they "fancy giving us a hand" when we are really asking for help.

We tell someone to "make yourself at home" without genuinely expecting them to behave as though they live there.

We say, "I'll be there in a minute," even though we know it may be considerably longer.

Most people understand these expressions automatically because they have learnt the social meaning behind the words.

For many autistic people, the words themselves naturally become the starting point.

If the words and the intended meaning are different, confusion can easily arise.

Communication Can Feel Like Guesswork

Many autistic adults tell me that conversations can sometimes feel as though everyone else is following rules that have never been explained.

People hint instead of asking directly.

They imply rather than saying what they mean.

They expect others to notice subtle changes in tone or facial expression.

Trying to work out what somebody is really thinking can become mentally exhausting, particularly when there are several possible interpretations.

It is hardly surprising that many autistic people prefer conversations where expectations are clear and language is direct.

Honesty Can Sometimes Be Misunderstood

One thing I have always admired is the honesty that many autistic people bring to conversations.

If you ask a direct question, you are often likely to receive a direct answer.

Unfortunately, this can occasionally lead to misunderstandings.

A truthful answer may be interpreted as being blunt.

A factual observation may be mistaken for criticism.

The intention is rarely to upset anyone.

More often, it reflects a communication style that values clarity over implication.

Understanding this difference can help both autistic and non-autistic people communicate more effectively.

Clear Communication Helps Everyone

Families sometimes ask what they can do to make communication easier.

One of the simplest and most effective strategies is also one of the easiest.

Say what you mean.

If you need someone to complete a task, explain exactly what you are asking.

If plans are changing, describe what is happening rather than expecting someone to work it out from hints.

If feedback is needed, make it specific rather than relying on vague suggestions.

Interestingly, these approaches tend to improve communication for everyone, not only autistic people.

Misunderstandings Go Both Ways

It is easy to assume that communication difficulties always arise because the autistic person has misunderstood something.

In reality, misunderstandings often happen because both people are approaching the conversation from different perspectives.

One person may expect indirect communication.

The other may expect direct communication.

Neither approach is wrong.

They are simply different.

Once we recognise this, conversations often become much easier because both people begin adapting to each other's communication style.

Understanding Yourself

For many adults receiving an autism diagnosis, learning about literal thinking provides an explanation for experiences they have had throughout their lives.

Suddenly, those confusing conversations begin to make more sense.

Rather than seeing themselves as socially awkward or "missing the point," they begin to recognise that they have simply been interpreting language in a different way.

That understanding often brings a sense of relief.

It also allows people to develop strategies that work for them while helping those around them understand how they communicate best.

A Final Thought

One of the most valuable lessons I have learnt from working with autistic people is that good communication is never just about speaking clearly.

It is about recognising that different people understand language in different ways.

Many autistic people are not looking for hidden meanings or subtle hints.

They are listening carefully to the words that have actually been spoken.

When we appreciate that, we often become more thoughtful communicators ourselves.

Perhaps one of the simplest ways to improve communication is not to expect people to guess what we mean.

It is simply to tell them.

In my experience, that small change can prevent countless misunderstandings and make conversations feel easier for everyone involved.


Dr James Glass
MBChB MRCPsych
Medical Director, WMI Psychiatry