"You Don't Have to Use All Your Energy Every Day" Learning to Pace Yourself

One of the patterns I notice time and time again during autism assessments is that many autistic people don't struggle because they are doing too little.

They struggle because they are trying to do everything.

They go to work, keep up with family commitments, attend social events, manage household jobs and try to fit in hobbies and exercise as well. Looking at their lives from the outside, there is often very little that appears unusual.

What is unusual is the amount of effort it takes to keep all of those plates spinning.

Many autistic people are working far harder than those around them simply to achieve what looks like an ordinary day.

Eventually, that effort catches up with them.

Busy Doesn't Always Mean Successful

We often live in a culture that praises being busy.

People talk about full diaries as though they are a sign of achievement. Rest can sometimes feel like something that has to be earned.

That way of thinking can be particularly unhelpful for autistic people.

If your brain is processing more sensory information, adapting to social situations more consciously or coping with unexpected changes throughout the day, your energy is already being used in ways that other people may never notice.

Trying to fill every spare moment simply because everyone else seems to manage can leave you permanently running on empty.

Not Every Day Has to Look the Same

One of the most helpful ideas I discuss with patients is letting go of the expectation that every day should be equally productive.

Some days you will naturally have more energy.

Other days you won't.

Rather than fighting against that, it is often better to work with it.

If you have a demanding meeting in the morning, perhaps that isn't the best evening to arrange a large family gathering.

If you've spent the afternoon travelling somewhere unfamiliar, perhaps the housework can wait until tomorrow.

This isn't about lowering your expectations.

It's about recognising that your energy is finite and deciding where you want to spend it.

Think in Terms of Priorities

When everything feels equally important, it becomes very difficult to make decisions.

Instead, try asking yourself three simple questions.

What absolutely needs to be done today?

What would be helpful if I have the energy?

What could realistically wait?

People are often surprised by how many things fall into that final category.

Giving yourself permission to postpone something isn't the same as giving up.

Sometimes it's simply making a sensible decision based on the resources you have available.

Build Pauses Into the Day

Many people only stop when they have no choice.

They keep going until they feel completely exhausted and then wonder why it takes so long to recover.

Small pauses throughout the day are often far more effective.

A quiet cup of tea before starting the next task.

Five minutes outside between meetings.

Listening to music on the journey home.

Sitting in silence for a few minutes before walking into a busy house.

None of these things seem dramatic.

Taken together, they can make a remarkable difference.

Be Careful of the "Good Day" Trap

One mistake I see quite often is what I sometimes think of as the "good day trap."

Someone wakes up feeling better than they have for weeks.

They decide to catch up on everything they have been putting off.

They clean the house, go shopping, meet friends, answer emails, visit relatives and finally collapse into bed feeling utterly drained.

The next day they wonder why they feel worse again.

Having more energy doesn't necessarily mean you should spend all of it.

Sometimes the best thing you can do on a good day is leave yourself with some energy still in reserve.

A Final Thought

One of the biggest misconceptions about autism is that success comes from learning to tolerate more and more.

In my experience, it often comes from understanding your limits well enough to stop before you reach them.

Pacing yourself isn't about expecting less from life.

It's about creating a way of living that allows you to keep doing the things that matter over weeks, months and years, rather than burning yourself out trying to do everything today.

There will always be busy periods and demanding weeks.

There will always be times when life asks more of you than you would choose.

But if you can learn to recognise your own pace, protect your energy and give yourself permission not to use every ounce of it each day, you may find that you actually achieve more in the long run.

Sometimes the most effective strategy isn't learning how to push harder.

It's learning when not to.


Dr James Glass
MBChB MRCPsych
Medical Director, WMI Psychiatry