"I'll Do It When I Feel Better" Why Waiting for Motivation Can Keep You Stuck

One of the most understandable things people do when their mental health is struggling is wait.

They wait until they have more energy before going for a walk. They wait until they feel more sociable before replying to friends. They wait until motivation returns before getting back to hobbies, exercise or everyday routines.

It makes complete sense.

If you don't feel like doing something, surely the sensible thing is to wait until you do?

The difficulty is that with depression and persistent low mood, motivation does not always come first. Sometimes we have to begin doing things before our mood gives us any reason to want to do them.

This can feel completely backwards at first, but it is one of the most useful ideas I discuss with people who have gradually found themselves doing less and less.

Low Mood Changes What We Do

When somebody becomes depressed, their world often starts getting smaller.

Activities require more effort. Socialising feels exhausting. Things that used to be enjoyable no longer seem particularly appealing.

So people understandably withdraw.

They cancel plans, stop exercising, spend more time at home and put off tasks that feel difficult.

In the short term, this can bring some relief. There is one less thing to deal with.

The problem is what happens over time.

The fewer things we do, the fewer opportunities we have to experience enjoyment, achievement, connection or a sense of purpose.

Life becomes less rewarding at exactly the point when we most need those experiences.

Motivation Doesn't Always Come Before Action

We tend to imagine motivation working in a particular order.

First I feel motivated.

Then I do something.

Then I feel pleased that I did it.

When our mental health is good, that sequence often works perfectly well.

During depression, it may not.

Sometimes the order needs to change.

We do something first, despite having very little motivation, and only afterwards notice a small change in how we feel.

This doesn't mean forcing yourself through an enormous list of activities.

It means recognising that action can sometimes create motivation rather than waiting for motivation to create action.

Start Much Smaller Than You Think You Should

One of the biggest mistakes people make when trying to become more active is starting with the version of themselves they remember from before they became unwell.

They think:

"I used to go to the gym four times a week. I need to start doing that again."

That goal feels enormous.

They don't manage it, become disappointed and conclude that they have failed.

I would much rather someone set a goal that initially feels almost too easy.

Walk outside for ten minutes.

Have a shower and get dressed before midday.

Reply to one message.

Put one load of washing on.

Sit in the garden with a cup of tea.

Success creates something to build on.

An ambitious plan that repeatedly fails often creates more evidence for an already self-critical mind.

Think About Achievement as Well as Enjoyment

People often assume that activities are only worthwhile if they make them feel happy.

When someone is depressed, that can create another problem because enjoyment may be one of the very things that has disappeared.

Instead, I often encourage people to think about two different types of activity.

Some provide pleasure.

Others provide a sense of achievement.

Meeting a friend might provide connection or enjoyment. Sorting through a pile of paperwork may not be enjoyable at all, but completing it can create a sense that something has moved forward.

Both matter.

A healthy week usually contains a mixture of things we enjoy and things that leave us feeling that we have accomplished something.

Put Things in the Diary

When motivation is unreliable, structure becomes particularly useful.

If you decide that you will go for a walk "when you feel like it", there is a reasonable chance that moment won't arrive.

Instead, decide in advance.

Tuesday at 10am: ten-minute walk.

Thursday afternoon: coffee with a friend.

Saturday morning: food shopping.

This might sound overly structured, but the purpose is to remove the need to repeatedly negotiate with yourself.

The decision has already been made.

You only need to take the next step.

Don't Judge the Activity While You're Doing It

Another trap is constantly checking whether the strategy is working.

"I've been walking for five minutes and I don't feel any better."

"I met my friend and I'm still depressed."

"I cleaned the kitchen and it didn't improve my mood."

Recovery rarely works like that.

One activity is unlikely to transform how you feel.

The benefit comes from gradually rebuilding patterns of activity, routine, connection and achievement over time.

Think of it less as taking a painkiller and more as rebuilding physical fitness.

The individual session may seem small.

The pattern is what matters.

Track What Actually Helps

When people are low, memory can become biased towards what went badly.

It can therefore be useful to keep a simple record of what you did and how you felt afterwards.

You may discover patterns you hadn't noticed.

Perhaps going outside consistently helps a little.

Perhaps spending an entire day in bed actually leaves you feeling worse rather than rested.

Perhaps seeing one close friend feels helpful while attending a large social event feels exhausting.

The aim is not to create another complicated task.

It is to become curious about what genuinely helps you rather than relying entirely on what depression predicts will help.

Be Compassionate, but Don't Let Depression Make Every Decision

There is an important balance here.

Mental health strategies should not become another way of criticising yourself.

There will be days when you genuinely need rest. There will be activities that are too much right now, and recovery does not require pretending otherwise.

But there is a difference between choosing to rest because you need it and withdrawing from life because depression tells you there is no point trying.

Sometimes the kindest thing you can do for yourself is rest.

At other times, the kindest thing is getting out of the chair despite not feeling like it.

Learning the difference is part of recovery.

A Final Thought

One of the cruelest aspects of depression is that it often takes away the motivation to do precisely the things that might gradually help someone recover.

This is why waiting until you feel better before returning to life can become such a difficult trap.

You don't need to feel ready to begin.

And you certainly don't need to rebuild everything at once.

Choose something small.

Make it specific.

Do it even if your mood tells you that there is no point.

Then do something else tomorrow.

Recovery is rarely made up of dramatic moments. More often, it is built from ordinary actions repeated on days when they don't feel particularly significant.

Sometimes motivation leads to action.

But when your mental health is struggling, it can be helpful to remember that the relationship works in the other direction too.

Sometimes you begin with the action and allow motivation to catch up later.

Dr James Glass
MBChB MRCPsych
Medical Director, WMI Psychiatry