“I Don’t Even Know Where to Start”: What to Do When Everything Feels Overwhelming

There are times when the problem isn’t that we don’t know what needs doing. We know exactly what needs doing. There is an email to answer, a form to complete, washing piling up, an appointment to arrange, work that is overdue and messages we haven’t replied to. Perhaps there is something important that we have already been putting off for several weeks.

The difficulty is that when we think about all of it together, our brain seems to stop. We don’t start with the first thing. We do nothing. Then we feel guilty about doing nothing, which makes the whole situation feel even more overwhelming.

This is something I see frequently when people are experiencing anxiety, depression, significant stress or simply have too many demands competing for their attention. When everything feels important, it can become surprisingly difficult to do anything at all.

Overwhelm Is Not the Same as Laziness

From the outside, overwhelm can sometimes look like procrastination. Someone knows they need to complete a task but repeatedly avoids it. That doesn’t necessarily mean they don’t care. Often, they care enormously. In fact, sometimes the importance of the task is precisely what makes starting so difficult.

The brain isn’t necessarily thinking, “I can’t be bothered.” It may be thinking, “This is important. It’s complicated. I don’t know where to begin. I can’t get this wrong. I’ll deal with it when I can think properly.”

Unfortunately, tomorrow arrives and the task now feels even bigger.

Stop Thinking About the Whole Task

One of the most useful things you can do when something feels overwhelming is stop asking yourself to complete it. Instead, identify the smallest meaningful next action.

Imagine you need to sort out your finances. “Sort out my finances” isn’t really a task. It is an entire project. Your first step might simply be to open the banking app or find the unopened letter.

If you need to apply for a new job, the task doesn’t have to be “find a new job”. It could simply be “open my CV”.

When our brain is overwhelmed, the smaller question is often much easier to answer: “What is the next physical thing I need to do?” Not everything. Just the next thing.

Make the First Step Almost Ridiculously Easy

Sometimes people resist making tasks smaller because the resulting step seems insignificant. What’s the point of tidying one corner of the room? The point is that one corner is considerably easier to start than an entire room, and starting matters.

You don’t have to promise yourself that you will exercise for an hour. Put your trainers on and walk for ten minutes. You don’t need to clear your entire inbox. Answer one important email. You don’t need to clean the whole house. Clear one surface.

Small actions can create momentum. Even when they don’t, one completed step is still more useful than spending an hour feeling guilty about the twenty steps you haven’t completed.

Decide What Actually Matters Today

Overwhelm often comes from treating everything as equally urgent. It rarely is.

It can help to separate things mentally into three broad groups: things that genuinely need attention today, things that matter but can wait, and things that would be nice to do but don’t actually need doing at the moment.

This sounds simple, but it can be surprisingly revealing. A task being on your mind does not automatically make it urgent. Neither does somebody sending you an email.

Part of managing overwhelm is accepting that you may not be able to do everything today and deliberately choosing what will remain undone. That is prioritising, not failing.

Put the Plan Somewhere You Can See It

When you are carrying everything mentally, your brain has to keep reminding you: “Don’t forget this. You still haven’t done that. Remember the other thing.” Writing tasks down can reduce some of that mental load.

However, a list containing forty-seven items can quickly become another source of overwhelm. I often think a shorter daily list is more useful. Ask yourself what the few things are that you actually intend to do today. The larger list can exist somewhere else.

Your daily list should tell you what to do next, not remind you of every unfinished responsibility in your life.

Use Time Rather Than Completion

Some tasks are difficult because we don’t know how long they will take. You think, “I need to sort all this paperwork,” and your brain imagines losing the entire afternoon. So you avoid starting.

Instead, decide that you will work on it for fifteen minutes. When the timer finishes, you can decide whether to continue.

This changes the agreement you are making with yourself. You are no longer committing to finishing an unknown amount of work. You are committing to fifteen minutes. That can make starting much easier.

Don’t Wait for the Perfect State of Mind

There is a particular kind of procrastination that sounds very sensible. “I’ll do it when I can concentrate properly.” “I’ll start tomorrow morning when I’m fresh.” “I’ll wait until things calm down.”

Sometimes that is reasonable. But if you repeatedly wait for the ideal combination of energy, concentration, motivation and free time, some tasks may remain untouched for weeks.

You do not always need to feel ready. Sometimes you need to do five imperfect minutes. Progress made while tired, anxious or unmotivated still counts.

Remove Unnecessary Decisions

When somebody is already overwhelmed, every additional decision uses more mental energy. Where should I start? When should I do it? Which email should I answer first? Should I do the washing before the shopping?

Try making some of those decisions in advance. Choose tomorrow’s first task before you finish today. Put the document you need on the desk. Write down the telephone number you need to call. Prepare what you need for the morning.

The easier you make the first action, the less negotiation is required when the time comes to do it.

Notice the Shame Cycle

Overwhelm often develops a second layer. First, you struggle to do something. Then you criticise yourself for struggling. “Why can’t I manage basic things?” “Everyone else seems able to cope.” “I’ve wasted another day.”

That shame consumes even more energy and can make returning to the task harder.

Try replacing judgement with investigation. What exactly made this difficult? Was the task too vague? Was it too large? Were you exhausted? Were you frightened of getting it wrong? Were there too many competing demands?

Understanding the barrier gives you something you can change. Calling yourself lazy usually doesn’t.

A Final Thought

When everything feels overwhelming, our instinct is often to think bigger. We try to work out how we are going to sort out the house, fix our finances, catch up with work, improve our health and organise the next six months.

Usually, the overwhelmed brain needs the opposite. Make the problem smaller, and then smaller again.

What actually matters today? What can wait? What is the next step? And if that still feels too difficult, what is the step before that?

You do not need to solve everything before you can begin. You only need an action small enough that you can actually do it. Open the document. Put the shoes on. Send the message. Make the call. Wash one plate. Then decide what comes next.

When life feels unmanageable, progress rarely begins with suddenly finding the capacity to handle everything. More often, it begins by giving yourself permission to deal with one thing at a time.

Dr James Glass
MBChB MRCPsych
Medical Director, WMI Psychiatry